Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Breaking up is hard to do.

I have a new job.

You might ask yourself "didn't she just get a new job??

Well yes. Yes i did. 8 months ago.

I was so thrilled when i got my "new" job, now my "old" job. Actually, i was ecstatic.

My pay went through the roof compared to the near-minimum wage rate i was being paid before. I was making a salary. I had benefits. I had paid vacation. I had a pension plan.

I worked in an environment where i was surrounded by talk of women's health, babies, sex, new trends, new procedures, latest studies and findings.

This job opened my eyes to how nurses and midwives and doctors worked together and how women had choices when it came to who, what, where and how they wanted to give birth.

I loved my new work place. I love the level of responsibility i was given. I loved that i was being looked to for answers. I loved that i was being trusted. I loved that i was praised and accepted.

So why did i decide to leave this job? Good question. I still don't know.

For the entire 8 months, i struggled with myself for not LOVING my job day-to-day.

On paper, my job was awesome. When someone asked me about my job it was awesome. But when i sat at my desk......i was unhappy.

I had every reason in the world to be motivated - working for top tier associations who do wonderful work. I was on the ground level. I had challenges facing me.

But alas, i would come into work every day, and not want to work.

And so began my casual search for a job.

As with the last 3 jobs i've had, i applied for one that i was qualified for and seemed interesting, and i landed the position.

It used to be, back when i was fresh out of university, that i could. not. find a job. No one would hire me.

Now here i am with the tiniest bit of experience, and i pretty much know that if i apply, i'll get it. And i do. And i did.

And then the worst part comes - breaking up with your employer.

This was especially hard because it was the first time that these associations were able to hire someone to work for them (they are all volunteer based). They LOVED that i was there to help them advance their issues. That i knew how to run an event. That i knew how to manage websites and create newsletters. That i had ideas.

So, when the email went out to all of those concerned, a wave of shock swept over them.

And i got phone calls.

And i got emails.

"What??? Roz, WHHHHYYY???!!!!"


"What are we going to do without you???!!!"

"You're kidding"

"i'm so sorry......for me!!"

It breaks my heart to hear them ask these questions and listen to the sound of shock in their voices.

It was one of the hardest things i've had to do.

I felt bad because i love them all and i wish i could love the position more.

I just don't know what it is. I just don't.

Actually i do, but it's a ton of the small things, that i guess when added up, equal unhappiness.

For example:
  • I worked alone. This surprised me the most. Usually i'm quite happy to work on my own without having to worry about asking someone else what they think, or waiting on someone else. Turns out i dont' like to work in solitude.
  • I stopped learning. Yes i was learning new things about women's health, but i stopped learning how to better myself in terms of my career. I had no one to learn from. I had no one to ask questions. I needed to have a mentor and to keep learning.
  • In the office, no one really knew me. I had a unique setup. I worked for two associations, but out of the office of another larger association. The people i actually worked for did not work in the same office as i did. I liked the people i worked for, but i never interacted with them. The people in my office barely knew my name, barley knew if i was in the office. FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY (gee, can you tell i'm still bitter about that one? They still haven't remembered my birthday...more on that one later).
  • I never felt totally secure in my position. Yes everyone loved me and yes i had passed my probation, but i could not be sure that there would be enough money to pay my salary next year or the year after. Kinda scared me.

Is that it? Is that enough for me to want to leave? I guess so.

I have to say. with my new job, i will be back to working in a team environment, which seems to be the most important aspect of a job to me. Also, from what i've heard, it is extremely busy, which is what i think i need in order to stay motivated.

It was a hard, hard decision, but i hope i've made the best one for me, and i hope the door will always be open for me if i ever want to return.


Kellan said...

Hi Roz - I wish you luck with your new job and I think I know how you were feeling - sometimes a job just doesn't fit. I turly hope it works out for you, this new job. good luck. Kellan

a grrl with a blog said...

I know exactly how you feel. I ended my contract last week as well. I finish up mid-January. Like you, it came down to a bunch of little things making one big thing.

I truly believe that if, at the end of the day, you don't feel joy in what you do, you're doing the wrong thing.

I feel extremely happy with my decision even though I will be back to the instability of freelance, but I will be happy. I'm sure you will too.

I wish you much success in your new role!

She Likes Purple said...

I hope you love your new job. And I think you did the right thing.

EmilyPie said...

Congratulations on the new job.... I totally understand where you are coming from... why you want the new job and why it is hard to leave the old one.

Good luck.

Sarah G. said...

Good for you Roz! I hope you love your new job. I know what you mean about it being hard to leave a job. I hated my last job but loved the people I worked with and that was so hard. However, I also know what it's like to not be happy where you work, or what it's like to be in a job where you can't grow, and that's no fun either.

I'm so excited for you and can't wait to hear all about it.

And Merry Christmas to you too, if I don't "hear" from you before then.

Ms. Porter said...

Congratulations Roz! Only time will tell if you like the new job you accepted BUT you knew you needed a change or you woulnd't have considered leaving in the first place. Good luck.

Le Petit Chic said...

Congratulations! From all of the reasons you listed, it sounds like you made the perfectly right decision. As a girl who's in her 3rd workplace this year, I completely understand what it's like to not be happy and believe me, that is reason enough to find a new job. Good luck to you!

A. & J. said...

Hey Roz! Congratulations on the new job! I'm really happy for you. When do you start in the new year?