Housework

It’s been a long while since my last post, but I was inspired by Jennie’s post about how housework is divided in a person’s house (evenly or unevenly) and thought it would be a good topic for discussion.

My husband and I have swung from one side of the pendulum to the other and I think we have landed somewhere in the middle (although he might think differently).

When we first started living together, I did everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. I think the most he did was bring his dirty plate TO the sink. This went on for a while until I finally broke down and just started screaming and yelling about how I couldn’t do it anymore and how I wasn’t his mother. And he got it. I mean, how couldn’t you? He started doing more and more and more without ever being asked. Then I got lazy and I started slacking, and we literally came all the way over to the other side where he did EVERYTHING and I sat on my fat butt and did nothing. One day I just realized that I wasn’t being fair to him and I started to do a few things around the house. Now I think it’s mostly even, although he does more of the crummy jobs. I do all the meal planning and cooking and some of the dishes. He walks the dogs twice a day, does all the outdoor stuff (mowing the lawn, shovelling snow, taking out garbage). Saturdays are pretty much our cleaning days and once we’ve had our coffees and lazed around for a bit we both just kind of get on with the house work. I’ll tidy up, he’ll vacuum, I’ll wash the floors, he’ll start the laundry. We just keep going until it all gets done.

I have to say that Mat does do a lot more, but that’s because he WANTS to. For example, he INSISTS on doing the laundry. I don’t like how he does the laundry and he doesn’t like how I do it, and we actually fought over who got to do the laundry. He promised me he’d do it the way I like just so that he can do the laundry – go figure.

Another “chore” that Mat does that I don’t: washing the cars. I have no interest in this whatsoever, but Mat apparently enjoys it, so I’m not going to argue with that.

I’ve taken over the meal planning and cooking, because let’s face it. We’d only ever eat chicken fingers and frozen pizza if I left it up to Mat.

And the dog walking? We used to do that together, until I hit that “super lazy” phase, and now he just does it. God bless him.

How do you divide the chores in your house? Do you feel it’s “fair”? What would you change (besides hiring someone)?

What's in a name?

Several people have asked me even before I got married if I would or have changed my last name and why / why not.

I did change my last name, but I have to admit that the decision wasn’t an easy one for me and I’ve thought about it since the day I was engaged.

I LOVE my full maiden name. It represented me and who I am and where I’ve come from and kept me connected to my disconnected family. I was proud to have the name that I was given. Plus it flowed, and when I said my potential future full name, I didn’t get the same sense of flow. It didn’t sound like me. It sounded like someone different, someone I didn’t know. Plus I had an awesome signature - one that took a long time to perfect.

If you know me, you’ll know that I’m not the kind of person who does things just because they’ve “always been done this way”. For a woman to change her last name when she marries is very traditional, and that is not why I decided to change my name. In fact, because it is so traditional and probably still assumed by many people that the woman will change her name was one of the reasons I was contemplating not changing my name. I don’t like to do things “just because” or because I’m expected to do things.

So why did I decide to change my name you ask and not keep my maiden name or hyphenate my two names? There are several reasons and before I go on I would just like to say that these are my reasons and I'm not passing judgment on anyone who is married and didn’t change her name or decided to hyphenate her last names. In fact I honestly feel that each and every situation is so different and I know of some people who did change their last name and I personally feel for various reasons that they shouldn’t have, but I digress.

So why DID I change my last name?

The biggest and most important reason to me is that I have committed to spend the rest of my life with this person through thick and through thin, no matter what is thrown our way. I realize that there will be many, many times that it will incredibly difficult to stick it out, but I understand that the commitment I’ve made means that I will not give up, no matter what. I have committed to spend the rest of my life with Mat, and because of that, we are a team. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never heard of a team with two different names. Have you? Have you ever heard of the Raptors-Celtics? Or the Senators-Leafs?

To me it’s like Go Big or Go Home. I’m not in this half-way, I’m in this ALL the way and the best way that I can show this to myself, Mat and the rest of the world is to have one team name with my partner.

Along the same lines of being in it all the way as opposed to being in it half-way is that when I was making my mental pros and cons list of why I should or shouldn’t change my name one of the pros for keeping my maiden name is that if I ever needed to revert back to my maiden name that it would be easier if I hyphenated or simply kept my maiden name. Almost as soon as the thought entered my mind, I realized that I HAD to change my last name. Again, I’m not in this thing with one foot in and one foot out. I’m in this with both my feet.

I know some women consider their careers when deciding whether or not they should change their name. I did consider if I would suddenly become “lost” in the professional world and have to work to rebuild my name, but I would say it’s only been the last year and half that I’ve started to be recognized as a “name” in my field. So far, it has been easy making people aware that I’ve changed my name and that I’m still the same person. In my email signature I have my maiden name in brackets followed by my married name with a little note immediately following asking people to “please note my new name!”. An announcement was also sent out in the local industry newsletter letting people know that I’m recently married and have changed my name. I realized that I have many, many years ahead of me with my married name and only a handful of years with my maiden name.

Another reason why I changed my last name is so that I could share the same last name with my children. This to me was less important than sharing the same last name as my husband, but it was just another “pro” on my list.

And finally, because I love my maiden name so much, I didn’t completely abandon it. And no, I didn’t keep it as a last name. I simply moved it to my middle name so now I have one first name THREE middle names and one last name. I know three middle names is a bit ridiculous, but hey, that’s me – a little bit ridiculous.